Thursday, February 3, 2011

She wants to go to China

I think the kids in school are asking Sarah why her "real" parents did not want her. She is confused about it all. We try to explain to her the one child policy in China. Her parents could not have 2 children. They probably abandon her for this reason. Really, it's hard to understand. And she is filled with fear. She has so much fear these days. She remembers being hungry. She remembers being beaten by the nannies. She was bound to her bed at night with old rags. She cried and no one came to comfort her. And now she is safe, and her stomach is full. She is loved, but still does not understand what has happened to her. And should she hate China, or be proud to be Chinese? Or both? And she wants to go there. Juergen has to go to China some time this year. I think we could arrange it in May when Jessica has a trip to Berlin. Maybe I could take Sarah to China for one week? Or maybe Juergen can just take a week off and I take her to China? But we can not afford to do everything. If we go to China we can not take a family trip to say Thailand. But maybe we can not do that anyway? And is she too young to deal with this? Maybe it would be better to wait until she is older. I'm not sure it would help her, it may make things even worse? If only we could be going on a hopeful an adoption trip. It really is sad Germany will not allow that! I could use some wisdom. I personally have a love hate relationship with China. I hate the one child policy, and the other hardships the people face. I love the beautiful people. They really are very special. And the country is amazing! I was stressed out when I was there in 2007. Sarah was having major was the darkest time of my life. But China it's self was interesting. I personally want to go there under different circumstances. The question is really not "if" we should's "when" we should go. I took Thomas back to Thailand when he began rejecting his Thai identity. It made a very good difference for him. He learned the over crowded orphanage is not all of Thailand. Perhaps Sarah needs to learn the same lesson? China is not just an over crowded babies home (and I'm sure most of the people in the babies home were nice, but some not)...and China is not just the is so much more then that. China has smart, brave, creative and amazing people. She should be proud to be Chinese. I love my Chinese girl!


  1. I agree with you on the love/hate thing. It is hard to love the type of government that harms its people so desperately.

  2. Sarah has many issue to resolve. Recognizing them is but a first step in the process. Yes, it is a process, not an instant or quick fix. The step you have arranged, counceling, will probably bring still more issue to light. All these must be dealt with in their own way. Give them time. There will come a point at which going to China will be part of the process, but I personnaly do not think it to be now. She needs to deal with issues before she can put the past behind her. Only then will she be able to embrace the good things abouut the Chinese culture and it's amazing people. Going on that trip before she is ready may set her back in the process. I strongly suggest waiting at least until the counceling has a chance to do a complete evaluation and had a chance to develop a strategy for action.