Thursday, February 3, 2011
She wants to go to China
I think the kids in school are asking Sarah why her "real" parents did not want her. She is confused about it all. We try to explain to her the one child policy in China. Her parents could not have 2 children. They probably abandon her for this reason. Really, it's hard to understand. And she is filled with fear. She has so much fear these days. She remembers being hungry. She remembers being beaten by the nannies. She was bound to her bed at night with old rags. She cried and no one came to comfort her. And now she is safe, and her stomach is full. She is loved, but still does not understand what has happened to her. And should she hate China, or be proud to be Chinese? Or both? And she wants to go there. Juergen has to go to China some time this year. I think we could arrange it in May when Jessica has a trip to Berlin. Maybe I could take Sarah to China for one week? Or maybe Juergen can just take a week off and I take her to China? But we can not afford to do everything. If we go to China we can not take a family trip to say Thailand. But maybe we can not do that anyway? And is she too young to deal with this? Maybe it would be better to wait until she is older. I'm not sure it would help her, it may make things even worse? If only we could be going on a hopeful mission...like an adoption trip. It really is sad Germany will not allow that! I could use some wisdom. I personally have a love hate relationship with China. I hate the one child policy, and the other hardships the people face. I love the beautiful people. They really are very special. And the country is amazing! I was stressed out when I was there in 2007. Sarah was having major issues...it was the darkest time of my life. But China it's self was interesting. I personally want to go there under different circumstances. The question is really not "if" we should go...it's "when" we should go. I took Thomas back to Thailand when he began rejecting his Thai identity. It made a very good difference for him. He learned the over crowded orphanage is not all of Thailand. Perhaps Sarah needs to learn the same lesson? China is not just an over crowded babies home (and I'm sure most of the people in the babies home were nice, but some not)...and China is not just the government...it is so much more then that. China has smart, brave, creative and amazing people. She should be proud to be Chinese. I love my Chinese girl!