Saturday, August 1, 2009
This afternoon I was half asleep on the sofa and Juergen was heading to the bathroom to take a shower. Sarah was in the kitchen. She started to race up the stairs, I thought she was following Juergen. I said "Sarah, leave Papa alone he wants to take a shower"! All of a sudden she screams bloody murder. I guess she has taken something from the kitchen and though she had been "caught". She cowered down like she thought I was going to hit her. She wouldn't let me anywhere near her. She screamed for Juergen. He yelled at me like I did something wrong. All I did was to ask her not to follow him. I can not explain how painful it was to see this look of fear in her eyes. She would not listen to me. So I went to my room and cried. I tried to calm down, and let her calm down. Then I talked with her. I asked her if the nannies in China hit her when she took things. She said yes. Then I held her and asked her if I had ever hit her? She said no. I told her I am not as pretty as a Chinese mommy, but I am also not as mean. I would never hit her. She had taken some rubber bands from the kitchen. We tried to give them to her, but she refused to take them. So I asked her if she wanted to pay for them. She said she had no money. I said ok, clean off the table and I'll pay you some money. I gave her a hand full of pennies. She brought me the bag of rubber bands. She handed me all her pennies. I said no, they only cost 2 pennies. So she counted out 2 cents, and put the rest of the money in her pocket. She has been home two years and she still remembers with fear. I don't think all the nannies in China were mean. I hope not. Maybe it was just one nanny? I'm so sad she has these awful memories. My poor girl. And poor me too…it was awful!