Saturday, July 18, 2009
Learning to work
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Our church has a work day today. They are going into a local forest and helping to clean the path. It's an all day thing. Juergen took Nicole, Sarah, Philip and Thomas. I admit I'm a little worried about the boys. They are not the kind that just work with the servants heart. I over heard Philip asking Juergen how much money they were going to be paid. I guess I wouldn't mind them negotiating for money if I knew they would actually do a good job. I'm afraid they will goof off all day, then expect to be paid anyway. I'm reading a book called the Myth of Laziness. It's about the hidden physical disabilities that effect a child’s out put. For example if a child can not process language correctly they have trouble reading and writing (this is Philips problem). He is not lazy about reading, he has a real neurological problem. He begins therapy in September. But what about church work days or even cleaning their own bedroom? They don't lack the skill, they lack the will. How do you teach them to work? I tell you one thing, I hope Juergen does not pay them unless they do a good job! If they think they can keep getting something for nothing, that is what they will do...nothing! I'm sure I'm not the only parent on this planet that struggles with this problem. It is especially hard with Thomas (adopted at age 7). Little kids want to help. If you let them help, they become helpers. But Thomas had every little thing done for him in Thailand. I expect it was just easier for the nannies to dress the kids, and clean up the toys...and much harder to teach 300 kids to do it themselves. We have work charts. This motivates Philip. He is always volunteering to walk the dog and set the table. Thomas is the tough one. I guess I just need to keep fighting the good fight. Maybe one day I will be surprised to find out he actually learned to work? You all are so lucky to have perfect children. Actually, when I read blogs that is how it often seems. Everyone has the perfect kids and I have the ones with ADHD, attachment issues, and autism. I’m not complaining, it just seems like no one else has problems. I’m proud of the progress I’ve seen in my kids, but we still struggle with character issues. I think about the character and skills they will need to live healthy ,independent, and happy lives. Being a hard worker that takes initiative and follows through on tasks is important in the work force. If people describe you as lazy, and you only work when people are looking you will not do well. If you don’t learn to be considerate, you will be a failure in relationships. This is hard work. It is where the rubber meets the road in parenting. You need to factor it in to your “costs” of adoption. I don’t want to scare anyone away from adoption, I just want you to consider the cost of parenting (biological parents must also tech these things to their children). Anyway, I have a quite house to clean. I will pray for Juergen. I hope the boys are truly motivated to do a very good job. I hope they exceed all my low and negative expectations. Nothing would make me more proud!