Tuesday, August 4, 2009
I had a bad day
Do you think there are times God just doesn’t like us very much? I realize He knows tomorrow…so maybe our moment by moment behavior doesn’t really bother him. My sons really bothered me today. They both forgot their ADHD medicine. They were so rude and badly behaved. My head hurts. Juergen is with them, and I am in my room. I do not like my sons today. I realize it’s just a slice of time, not all of life. I hope they will apologize for their behavior. I hope tomorrow is better, but I’m not like God. I can not see tomorrow. I told someone at church on Sunday that I did not take the bad behavior of Jessica so seriously as I once did. When she does something embarrassing and bad, I try to think it’s just Jessica’s behavior. It’s her problem, her autism. I do not own it so much anymore. I haven’t gotten to this place with my boys. When their ADHD gets the most of them, I still take it pretty hard. Somehow I still think if I was a better parent they would behave…but it just isn’t so. I’m not sure there is a person alive that could have stopped their rude run away train. It ran me down…and I want to cry. I know just by writing this that I need to divorce myself from their behavior. I didn’t cause it. I didn’t provoke them. They were like a gang. They egged each other on, and couldn’t find the breaks. I don’t hate them, I love them. But right now I don’t like them. I’m sure I will have a better day tomorrow. I’ll take a hot bath. I’ll make sure they get their medicine. We will try to start new in the morning.